No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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