His pubic hair was longer than his dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
