omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
