i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
