the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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