Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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