we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
