Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
