your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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