before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize