i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You left your phone here
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