K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
