maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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