you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize