Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
