Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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