My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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