Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
