I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
