Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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