I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
