I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
