and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
love makes seman taste better
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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