His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
