Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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