I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
