ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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