i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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