new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
