He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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