Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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