What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
