Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
