The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
