FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
