his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
