I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize