see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
