remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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