the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize