Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
