Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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