i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
