The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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