If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My ass is underappreciated
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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