Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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