youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
