I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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