He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
