I skipped work to stalk him.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize