bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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