I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
