My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
