and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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