someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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