Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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