I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bring me that man meat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize