I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
