I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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