gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
