it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
