Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
