I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
