Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
