He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
