all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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