she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
